What better time than the new year to right old wrongs?
For an embarrassing number of years, I missed one of life’s basics: As a young married man, I sped into each new day without spending time before the Lord.
First came our wedding. Then 9/11. A fixer-upper project, just in time for our firstborn’s arrival. Advances in my career. Baby number two, number three. National financial crises. Stress, layoffs, moves, illness. New life, growth, joy, discoveries. Baby number four, number five. And chronic stress.
Yes, you would find me in Sunday Mass all of those years. Yes, my wife and I often led our children in daily prayer and enjoyed family meals together. Yes, I prayed — often consistently — at times later in the day. Yes, I went on retreats, sought spiritual direction, read the writings of saints. Yes, grace broke through on many a day.
But all those years, I somehow overlooked a basic fact of nature: You can’t give what you don’t have. And the Lord is ready to give you what you need each morning if you seek him first in prayer. “His mercy is new every morning,” but you have to seek him out, receive him and integrate his divine life into the marrow of your day.
This morning routine takes time. It takes boundaries. It takes detox from all the dopamine hits available each morning — with the new rush of news, posts, messages. And it takes courage, which psychiatrist and author Dr. Kevin Majeres suggests has three elements: commitment (to do it), endurance (to keep doing it) and confidence (to habituate it, so that it’s not a one-off event).
What kept me from all those quiet encounters with the unconditional love of the most holy Trinity — his invitation into his “communion of persons”— all those years? Was it a subconscious rebellion against my upbringing, where frequent “morning devotions” proved I was a committed believer? Was it laziness? Fear of intimacy with the Lord? Lack of courage? Fear that somehow my “own time” might create friction with my wife, children, boss or colleagues? Was it workaholism, that prized productivity over prayer?
When I joined my wife in full-time ministry, I finally realized that stepping into the day with nothing —no prayer, no Scripture, no receptivity to the Holy Spirit — was unacceptable, a non-starter. I made a new pact: I would embark on the challenges of each day only after I had spent time before the Lord.
Almost immediately, life began to get so much better. The Magnificat devotional — with its daily liturgical readings and meditations — became my standby. I settled into my prayer-chair and morning coffee routine before anyone else stirred. I bought myself a Moleskin journal and started charting my morning encounters.
I got more disciplined at keeping the phone away during this time. By the end of each prayer time and Scripture reading, I recorded a phrase that struck me. Often, that becomes my motto or challenge for the day.
Life hits after this time of quiet. Eggs to make, bread to toast. A missing shoe, as the school bus driver idles impatiently. Trash to put out. Hungry cats. Bills due. A broken freezer at the café our ministry runs.
Bring it on.
After all, I’m not running on fumes like in the old days. That’s because this morning, as the sun rose, I received a word from my heavenly Father. In the silence, I communed with him. I waited. A phrase from the Gospels singed me. An insight from the saints helped me to reframe an issue that has been weighing on me. As a cardinal’s song pierced the dawn outside our window, I gave thanks for the gift of my marriage and family.
I realize now that I had almost let Twitter and texts and trivial inputs anaesthetize this sacred sixth sense — my receptor to the inner life of the Trinity. But slowly, ever so slowly, it’s coming back to life.
You can’t give what you don’t have. If you run into the day with nothing, on fumes, believe you me: Get ready to head into your day not with consolations and divine promptings. Instead you’ll lose your temper with your wife or children — or both — before you’ve even made it out the door.
Don’t lose a decade of wonder and peace, like I did. While 2023 is fresh, commit to quiet time in prayer each morning. So much is at stake.
Soren and his wife, Ever, are cofounders of trinityhousecommunity.org.
